Everyone remembers their first time visiting King Street dive bar Upper Deck Tavern. You were most likely brought by a friend — the second floor haunt is notoriously difficult to find with its lack of signage and dark alley leading to the stairwell. Once inside, you probably weren't surprised by the neon beer signs, tattered posters, and hipster patrons. However, your first trip to the UDT bathroom may have left you wondering why you drank so many beers and questioning anyone who has ever peed in those stalls. There's no way around it — it's gross.
Once you push open the door, you're hit with the most distinctive smell of urine, still lingering cigarette smoke from 2007, disinfectant, and a hint of vomit. Once the scent enters your olfactory system, you'll never forget it.
The women's restroom doubles as the janitor's closet. The sink area is cluttered with buckets, bleach, and graying mops. It's best not to look down there, as many a Palmetto bug has been trampled underfoot while trying to escape the stomping feet on the their way stalls.
And then there's the graffiti. We're not sure who's bringing Sharpies with them to poop, but we thank you for your poetic thoughts on who you think is a bitch, which boyfriend had a tiny dick, and quotes from your favorite authors (Kerouac would be honored). The doodles give us something to take our minds off our burning thighs as we squat and hover.
The UDT bathroom is the sort of place that can't be cleaned. If anyone ever hoped to tidy the room, it would be in their best interest just to burn it down and start fresh. But, really, those stalls are part of the charm that makes Upper Deck a fond memory in so many PBR swilling hearts. And, really, how can you trust any dive bar that doesn't have a disgusting restroom?